10 THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO A DEPRESSED PERSON

10 THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO A DEPRESSED PERSON

Depression is neither a normal nor an easy journey. Some people are more prone to it than others. I have been ‘normal’ and I have felt depression, so I can say i have been a player for both teams and I understand to an extent what each team is about. This list was born out of my feeling ‘sick’ each time my best friend would ask me “how do you feel today?”  I wince every single time I see that message and I draw back from her a little bit farther. I started to talk to some of my people and they also too said some shitty things that just drove me in deeper. Although I know people generally mean well, these are things you should not say to a depressed person. This is not a standard list but I hope it serves to shed light on some emotions and means of communicating between players of both side. 

“Why are you feeling depressed?”

When asked this question, I look at the person and think … I don’t know, job? Friend? Boyfriend? Money? Business ? ..LIFE?... I don’t freaking know!!!.

The default “how are you feeling today?”

This for me is the worst question to ever ask anyone, especially when you ask every day …I mean!!!

It just makes me feel incomplete and sick and defensive towards whoever is asking. I feel like a child with the question and it contributes to the inferior feelings I already have and  I hate the person more after each “how are you feeling today”. You mean well but don’t be too obvious.

“How are you feeling now” this is after we have spoken for about how many minutes?

“You shouldn’t be doing this”……

I remember the first time I had courage to reach out to someone, one of the first statement was “you shouldn’t be staying indoors”, another time it was don’t listen to music…I felt pissed off and put off. To me,  I was chastised for doing something that was probably keeping me from swallowing the pills on my brown table. I felt abnormal for wanting to do what I wanted to do. As if I wasn’t already questioning my sanity….you are handing me the question paper.

“Pray”

I got just one of this when my depression hit and I just put a wall up immediately that this was definitely not the right person for me to talk to.  This for me is one of the top five things you shouldn’t say to a depressed person

“Be positive”

I really don’t understand why people say this to people that are depressed. When I would hear this, I would always always roll my eyes. Of course they know they have to be positive… if they didn’t know, they would have swallowed those pills on the brown table. What you should do is accept that they are depressed! And lurk and wait for them to open up. When asked this question, I just resist from talking, asking or taking meaning less advice from good people.

“Stop thinking like that”

This is just a way of saying, your way of thinking is not okay, a way of saying think more like us “the normal ones”. What if I just think like this… this is me just being me. at least this thinking has kept me from swallowing those pills on my brown table.

“Snap out of it dear”

This one once made me think twice… do you think depressed people want to be depressed?

Depression isn’t a two way switch. This question just make the person feel incompetent of taking responsibility for themselves. And I don’t know if it is just me but I find the word ‘dear’ condescending. DON’T!

You should be grateful”

I cry most times I hear this. Do you think I am a spoilt brat that I am not grateful for everything and everyone?

Go and do this and that”

I just told you I have been on my bed for the past few weeks, I just told you I can’t function!, I am uninterested and indifferent about people and things and you are saying what?! …don’t tell them what to do if you really want to help.

“How can I help?”

Errrrr….if I knew , I would have already helped myself.

§  You need new friends

§  Just pull yourself together

§  So, you are depressed again?”

§  It will pass, sorry”

§  Try not to be depressed”

§  We are all going through something”

So many other questions and phrases but even writing this is already feeling like an effort. I know people mean well but depression if care is not taken can lead to suicide, so been extra careful with your words is a must. You might think a depressed person is just been dramatic or just sad. That is your opinion and it is not a fact.  Saying the wrong thing can unknowingly send a depressed person spiraling down. Depression is not a state of happiness, or money breeding state, so no one really wants to be there but they can’t help it.. if you don’t know what to say, don’t say anything or maybe just act as you would, or if you can sit with them, lay with them, let them cry or bitch about something they want to, that may really be all they need. And if any of that is too sappy for you, refer them to a counselor, be patient, be there and wait.