CHAMELEON SOUL: Lana Del Ray’s Ride.

I have always hated the word ‘fickle minded’ but the fact is that i am nice and I really have a knack for trying to please the ones I love, the ones that mean a lot to me, while I think that has to stop I feel like some people miss read the situation, they mistake my niceness for weakness, they think I am not bold enough to say this is what I want and stick to it, they think I don’t even know what I want or maybe that is what I think. Maybe the real question I should ask myself is ‘do I know what I want, am I really fickle minded?, why do I feel like I change more than Beyonce in Frekum dress?

What I do best is to make people feel comfortable around me, I do that effortlessly. I can starve myself if I think that is what you want; I can hold my tongue if I think it would make you feel okay. I really think I am use to this act that I have sieved it on to other parts of my life.

When I hear someone talk about them and say ‘I mirror other people’ I think about my own ‘aliment’. If you ask 10 people to describe me they would have different versions. I have noticed that I try to be what each person wants. My relationships are not any different: all this begs the question what exactly do you want?, which version of my self is pleasing to you at the moment?.

Is it strong you expect me to be? I will be as strong as Mandela’s wife. Are you looking for successful? I would be a mini Alakija for you. Are you looking for intelligent? Lucy would be a dullard compared to me; I mean I can always fake that. Are you looking for stability? Zigzag wouldn’t be used in the same sentence as me; I would hide those nasty feelings inside. Are you looking for a sense of humour? As funny as Jon Rivers or is it Wendy Williams? I can surely do something about that. Are you looking for a great cook? I would purchase a ‘How to make different cuisines’ book cos of you. Do you expect me to be shy? I would add that to my list. More serious minded? You just wait and see. What else do you want me to be, who else do you want me to be...Did you just say I should be myself? , Naaa, surely you wouldn’t want that. Surely you wouldn’t want all this mess, no one truly does(except you found that special somebody). I have learnt to always to switch it up and blend for the sake of the current person in my life. I feel like I have changed so much that Lana Del Ray’s Ride track is speaking for me: all that is left is a chameleon soul, my chameleon personality.

I have learnt that for every new relationship (any type) there is always a condition held over our head, it is either it requires us to be smarter, less dramatic, more sensitive, less sensitive, more trimmed, more beautiful, more out spoken, slimmer, more ambitious, more focused, emotionally stronger, more independent, more wanton, sassier ...there is always that one thing you would be lacking that would basically ruin any kind of relationship ( it is different with so many people) even with your chameleon soul turning and blending, trying to please everyone, you would wear yourself out and never succeed even in the tiniest bit.

FINAL TOTS: Is it that people like me with a chameleon soul don’t know who we are, don’t know where our final stance should be or don’t know what we should be doing? Or is it that all type of relationships are based on re-editing yourself to meet the other's expectations?

Can one ever just rear his/her ugly side, which includes a lot of insecurity, a lot of drama, a lot of scary , a bulk load of loving and get accepted that way. i mean, that is what love is, looking at the imperfect aspect of someone and still deciding to love without necessarily wanting to re edit them. Isn’t it?