Abortion: The Lost Cradle.

While growing up we were not really taught much about sex but we were constantly made to understand that ladies that had abortions were Bad! Bad!!.if I heard about this ladies I probably would have spat on them if they weren't older than me (that was how much they disgusted me) . This perspective followed me into my teenage years but not beyond.
We are now in a regime(sounds serious) where everyone eyes is 'opened', where sex is the order of the day, if you tell a 16yr old girl to avoid sex there is a 20/80 percent chance she wouldn't listen ( I hope my younger ones listen ). Sex brings babies and like I said they have been falling from the sky fast, we aren't ready for babies, our baby daddies are ready yet, so what's the next option that pops to our mind?.....ABORTION!
The formal definition for abortion is the act of inducing the cessation (ceasing/discontinuace) of pregnancy, we all know what it means but I feel like when ever it is being talked about we leave out the decision making process of the woman,how the woman feels because at the end of the day we are all the way emotional (I would like to think not all ladies are runz girls;constantly getting pregnant)
This was really how Timi felt;

My period must be late, it must be but what if it isn't?!..
Well accurate is cheap,so I can get more than one....
'Today I found out that I am pregnant, I am happy that a little life is growing inside of me, this is super Amazing!!! #yayness. Oh! I still have to tell Segun..Sighs!, I still loaned him money to pay for a jean he bought lastweek, how is he going to take care of me?!..My parents!,how can I not think of them first,my dad has spent / still spending the little he has on me,he complains alot of my wasteful sisters, he talks about how my mates are becoming more stupid,careless and thoughtless (I have agreed with him on all occasion) and my mom!,she would kill me. I am in so much trouble,what do I do?!
'Baby what do we do? ' I don't know but I feel so complete, but really what would happen?
' calm down, you know I love you but we are still kids ourselves, how do we raise a kid by ourselves? I don't want to pressure you my love but you know how you always talk about wanting the best for our kids,the best isn't even close yet. See reasons with me '

I put off the thought or a few days hoping things would work out well. But how can I ignore my mom's constant staring at my white palms,back aches,the sore breasts, how milk makes me want to puke,how my jeans don't fit, the cramps, swollen feet and how I can't seem to stay awake but on the up side I rub on my belly everynight and smile and talk to it, I keep thinking of names for it (smile)..then the backaches returns!
I have to do something,i just need to talk to somebody to at least arrange my thoughts(but my friends at times can be very judgemental, and I can't deal right now).

Sighs!,'Right now mama can't have you around,i am not ready, daddy isn't ready. I want you to go to the best private school,i want to buy you fine dresses(because I know you are a girl),i want you to eat anything you want so you aren't as skinny as your momma.i am sorry!.'
What do I do?,do I open my legs to a complete stranger or do I opt for that pills I got online,a pill that could possibly kill me..what do I do?!

It is that day!:
I wonder if she knows mum wants to kill her today,i won't even get to see how her hair would be,if she looks like me or If she has her dad's hand.
I look at the white pills and wonder how small and destructive they could be. I have no other option (I keep telling myself it is just blood). I put it in and wait.........wait......
My stomach starts to cramp up( am I going to die now?,right after killing my child,am i?? I need my mommy,i need somebody!)
I start to bleed (I deserve all that I am getting) but no clot yet,did I listen wrong?,something is wrong!.
I cried so much my eyes weren't seeing well anymore. I slept on my tears listening to Jodi's song, I later woke up to pee and change the pad...
There she was,on the pad, inside her own little home, I can remeber closing my eyes feeling relief (yes I felt it) but then the guilt rushed in. I took her into the bathroom, sat on the floor with her and I wept for the both of us. I couldn't cry out because mom or dad might hear me, so I took water and flushed her down (I felt like a certified murderer) . I went back to the room, laid down to sleep but I couldn't, I wouldn't...
It was over( I should be happy?) but why is my heart still aching and heavy?
I would go to the toilet to cry occasionally and when asked 'why is your face so red and swollen?','i have catarrh ' was always my reply.
I couldn't grieve properly, I couldn't cry out, I couldn't break something, I couldn't talk about it,all I did was pretend I was fine when all I really wanted do was walk infront of a bus..
Everytime I see kids now my heart falls, and I get scared that I wouldn't get another chance at raising a mini-me. She might not have been Mitchell Obama but she would have being my baby!.
A mother has to live with the fact that she killed her child. They go through relief, grieve,worthlessness ,they neglect their idealism hoping they aren't making the wrong choice,hoping they are making a good one for the betterment of tomorrow.

I am not justifying abortion, you should only have sex when you have the backbone to carry the consequences, but I am just saying before we cast a stone at her,we should try to recognise and understand her battles too.
It is never easy.